"Last week at THE PLAYERS, I’m on the fifth hole waiting by the green…when this "Goober" in a NASCAR hat, dirty t-shirt, and 13 teeth says to me, "These guys are too damned slow. Look at this Bill Shaft guy (he meant Greg Kraft), he’s backed off this putt twice already and it’s only 4 feet."…
–Michael Collins’ columnon the GolfChannel.com
So golf, the grand auld game, is working its way through an era when it’s played by different people, watched by wider audiences, and patronized by an increasingly diverse fan base. Only our resident Luddite, Mr. Cotton Persimmon (more from him later), and perhaps Mr. Collins would seek to go backward.
While "Goober" may not dress well, he shows great promise as a golf fan. He has walked to the fifth hole, which, if memory serves, would be among the further journeys from the clubhouse at TPC Sawgrass. Secondly, he has recognized that backing off four-footersno es muy macho. And, moreover, that slow play is golf’s torn Achilles’ heel.
But in Collins’ ad hominem attack and apologia for the Bernhard Langer-school-of-deliberate play, he impugns a new generation of golf fan. So who will take up the cause of how fans should conduct themselves and, to a lesser extent, dress while attending competitive golf tournament? Well, as the salesman says, look no further. We only hope we’re equal to the task.
We start today, modestly, with how to dress as a spectator.
There, we said it.
Nothing.
The less said the better.
Because we are familiar with the first amendment of the fans’ bill of rights, which says: They pays their money, they can sez their peace. And its corrollary: there’s no accounting for taste. Second item: we are style advocates and rather than issue pedantic rules, we’d much rather invite all interested parties along for the glorious ride.
It’s the topic du jour because morethan onegolf site,including the redoubtable Geoff Shackleford, has picked up on Collins’ column, which the correspondent begins by conflating assault and battery with wit and humor.
We’re in favor of an open marketplace and self-regulated style. And let the chips fall where they may. That said, if The Masters or any other tournament wants to enforce a dress policy for patrons, it’s their right to do so. As for clubs that have dress codes and professionals who still remind anyone not named Arnold Palmer to tuck their shirttail into their trousers, that’s their well-earned right, too. –RL
